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Am I just using him - chapter 4

2022-10-07 00:35:28

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Blood starts flowing to my head again and I'm slowly starting to realise what I'm doing. I'm moaning and my tongue is exploring Milan's mouth. I push him away. "I…"

"Shh, you don't have to say anything. Thank you."

"I… What... " I look him in the eyes. What the hell is my body doing to me. Why did I enjoy kissing him?

"It's okay, Dan. This doesn't have to mean anything. It was the heat of the moment." He smiles. We're still naked. My right hand is sticky and my hardon is completely gone. "It's my bad, I shouldn't have left you hanging. I just didn't know it would be unpleasant, you know, after that." He glances at his cum that fell on the wooden floor. "I did enjoy it though."

"I'm confused, I'm sorry. I need some time to think." I get up and pull the condom off my dick. I put on my underwear and walk to the kitchen. I liked that. I liked kissing a boy. I liked knowing that I made him cum. I drink some water and with a sigh I sit down on the cold kitchen tiles. This can't be true. This has to stop now! I'm going to send Milan away. I get up again, more resolute than I've been before, but before I leave the kitchen, I sit down again. Sigh. I liked that. I shouldn't lie to myself; I know I'd like to explore it even further.

No, I don't! What the hell Dan? I don't want to try anything else. But, I do want him to do more to me, of course. That's why I shouldn't send him home. If I show him the door now, he'll probably never want to do anything with me again. And I love fucking his mouth too much. And I guess I liked going backdoor too. I don't even know how good cumming in him would feel like. That must be amazing.

"Hey…" Milan says hesitantly after he entered the kitchen. He put on some clothes. "Are you okay?"

"I dunno."

The boy sits down on the cold floor facing me. "I can only imagine how confusing this must be."

I smile awkwardly. "You bet."

"But, do you want to hear my opinion on the matter? I don't think it should be confusing at all. We're just having fun together. That's not wrong."

I shrug. "But it's gay. I'm not gay."

Milan laughs. "I know you're not gay. You're very obviously not gay dude. And believe me, I'm an expert on being gay. You shouldn't be afraid of it."

"Then why did I like that?"

He smiles. "Because it's nice. Kissing is nice. Being affectionate is nice. Making me feel happy, is nice. That's supposed to be nice."

"Straight men don't fuck other men."

"That's not because they wouldn't like it," Milan says. "It's because they feel like they aren't allowed to do it. They're holding back. And… they're missing out."

I grin, but quickly restore my sad face.

"I'm serious though. There is a huge difference between loving someone and just having sex; making them and yourself feel good. People may act as if there is no difference, but that doesn't mean there is none. Look at animals…"

I interrupt him, because I expected this argument. "We're no animals."

"No, maybe we're not. We're supposed to be smarter, but for some reason they understand there is no difference between having fun, being affectionate, liking someone and loving someone, wanting to live together, spend all your time together, depend on each other and possibly having kids. There is a difference."

"The doubt I'm feeling isn't just because I don't fit the standard. It's innate. It feels wrong."

"Wait, I wanted to give another example. Don't move on too fast!"

I look at the gay boy questionly.

He smiles. "I wanted to ask you if you masterbate sometimes."

I frown. "Of course I do."

"Well, you don't love your hand, do you? You're having fun with your hand, but you're not in a relationship, right? Let me be your hand."

I chuckle. "But I don't kiss my hand."

He feigns confusement. "Wait. Then I'm just weird." And to amplify the statement, he starts clumsily kissing and licking his fist.

"You actually are crazy," I laugh.

He stops and smiles. "I'm just trying to convince you there is nothing wrong. We're alone here, just two guys who are enjoying themselves and each other. See it as a really close friendship."

"Wait, you said you didn't want a friendship."

He thinks about it for a second. "After what just happened, I know I really want to be friends with you."

I grin. "Just because I jerked you off!"

He has the decency to look embarrassed. "Maybe... " he says. "But still, you're a cool dude. Just imagine spending every weekend together."

"Well, my parents aren't away every weekend."

It's his turn to grin. "We can do normal things together as well, can't we? Like gaming or talking?"

I shrug. "We never tried it."

"Oh, well. Did I tell you already that my parents are almost never home during the weekends?"

I really try, but I fail to suppress a smirk.

"See? I knew you'd like that!"

I start to feel a little relaxed again. "I guess."

"So, let's do it like this. If we're together, we can do whatever we like. Just friends, but with full access to each other, you know. And if you don't like something, we can talk about it. That's what friends are supposed to do anyway; talking. You like that? And as for sexuality, that's not important. You're straight and I'm gay. Or bi, by the way, I'm not sure. It doesn't matter however, we're just doing whatever we like. We're young for a reason, right?"

I smile. "I think you're right."

"Nice!" Milan gets up and reaches out his hand to pull me up. "So… Uh, Dan?"


"Can I maybe kiss you now?"

I hesitate. Milan just convinced me, like ten seconds ago. And I really believed him. But now, I'm uncertain again. I'm straight. Only having fun. Fooling around! "Okay."

He leans in. His soft lips touch mine. The boy puts his hands on my hips and opens his mouth carefully. After a few seconds I do the same and his tongue immediately enters my mouth. With much more confidence then before he starts exploring my mouth. I moan involuntarily. His hands move towards my back and he pulls us together, his crotch touching mine. I notice he is rock hard again, even though he just had probably his biggest orgasm ever.

He pulls back his tongue a little, offering space for me to reverse the exploration, but I hesitate. It's as if I believe actively kissing him is in any way more gay than letting him kiss me. Milan starts grinding his hips into mine, causing us both to moan in each other's mouths. I guess that convinced me. I start kissing him back.

Milan pulls down my boxers and starts massaging my ass, while we continue to furiously dry hump each other. He spreads my ass cheeks and puts a finger against my asshole. Then he starts rubbing, pressing against it ever so slightly. This all happens whilst we continue exploring each other mouths. I notice my head is starting to feel light and my dick is rock hard. I saw it coming of course, so it only takes me off guard a little when Milan applies some pressure with his finger, just enough for it to pop in. Soon my hardon is leaking precum onto his boxers. We're still french kissing.

I'm not sure what I should focus on; my boner brushing against his boxers, our hot kissing session or his skilled ass-fingering. The boy stops kissing long enough to show me an amazing smile. "Let's go to living room again."

I kiss him for another second. "Sounds like a plan."

He takes my hand and guides me to the couch. Even before we even reach it, I pull him towards me again and continue our heated kiss.

"Look who is all addicted to kissing now," Milan grins.

I moan. "Dude, it's amazing. Why didn't you do this to me earlier?"

"Yesterday you even winced if I touched you, Dan."

"Yeah… well…"

"It's no problem. I just knew I had to be careful. It's hard to turn people gay." He laughs.

"What the hell? I'm not gay!" I push him away.

"Dude, relax. I'm just kidding. I told you I know you're not gay. Look at you, you're as straight as one could be."

I look at him questioningly. Is he using me?

He suddenly grabs my dick and I do, indeed, wince. I want to push him away to convince him I'm not gay, but I know he's right. Yesterday I was unsure about every time we touched each other and just now I complained about not kissing him earlier. I'm starting to believe Milan is much wiser than me, even though he's younger. I guess I should just follow his lead. That, and the fact he's rubbing my boner after an hour long build-up keeps me from stopping him, of course.

"Nothing gay about you at all," he whispers and before I can affirm it, he kisses me. My mouth opens automatically. While being jerked off, we kiss. His left hand is roaming all over my body, touching my nipples, poking in my belly button and stimulating my balls. Even though his hands are moving separately, his left hand seems to follow the same rhythm as the one taking care of my cock, as if he's having difficulties focusing on my scrotum, my dick and kissing me at the same time. His hand moves further down. He starts massaging my prostate again. I involuntarily thrust my hip up. And then he stops with everything.

"I think we should go to the supermarket now to get some food for tonight," he says.

"Dude, you can't stop now," I whimper. "That's awful."

He grins. "But food is important too!"

I kiss him. I don't move my face away from his when I say: "the food will in the supermarket still after you finally reward me for what I did earlier today."

"Rewarding you? You finally rewarded me, you mean!" Milan feigns surprise.

It's my turn to grin. "Maybe you're right." I take his hand in mine and guide it towards my craving dick. If he doesn't help me out right now, I'm sure I'd get blue balls. "Please continue, Milan." I kiss him. "I'll reward you again, promise."

"I like that." He kisses me once more before he moves down. He starts licking my balls while fumbling with my foreskin. His left index finger is still in my ass. The moment he takes my boner in his mouth with a slurping sound, he pushes his middle finger in my anus too. It hurts a little at the beginning, but Milan was smart enough to combine it with him finally engulfing me with the great feeling of a blowjob. I close my eyes while being fingered and sucked off at the same time, but I soon open them again. I love to see him going up and down on my cock.

He looks up at me. I know he would be smiling if it wasn't for my hardon in his mouth. While looking into his eyes, I cum. Way sooner than I wanted and without even being able to warn him. Though I can't see his throat, I know he is swallowing it all. Damn, I wish I could see his throat, that would be hot.

Milan licks my glans thoroughly before letting go of it. See? He is smiling. He lifts himself up to face me. "How was that?"

"Amazing," I pant.

"Great." He kisses me. I taste my own cum. It's the first time I ever tasted it, but I can't say I particularly like it. It's not bad, I guess, but if I have a choice between tasting it and not tasting it, I'd choose the latter. Though I have to admit, knowing it's my own cum I'm tasting through kissing him is kinda hot.

"Let's go to the shop now," Milan says after granting me a few minutes of rest.

I nod and wait for him to crawl off of me. I notice the tent in his boxers.

Milan sees I'm looking at it and he smiles. "I'm saving my reward for later."

I laugh. "That's okay with me." I hesitate. "Milan?"

"Yes?" The boy looks up from putting his clothes on.

"Thank you. Thank you for showing me all this and for bearing with me. I know I wasn't really the easiest person or anything."

"Dude, I have to thank you. This weekend is amazing so far. I'm sure it'll only get better."

I grin. "I bet."

"So, what do you think? Should we buy some more condoms while we're in the city?"

I don't even have to think about that. "Of course!"

He smiles and puts on his trousers and sweater. I'm still naked.

"Though I think we shouldn't do that together," I add.

"You scared of being accused of being gay?"

I have a decency to look ashamed and I gather my clothes together. I know my dick is sticky now and I crave for a shower, but I know Milan has his own plans for today and somehow I have a feeling showers are involved in that, so I'll have to wait. "Well, it's weird for guys to buy condoms together, don't you think?"

He smirks. "I'm gay, so no, I don't think so. But I get what you're saying, Dan. Thing is, I think it's weirder if we're in the city together and only split up when buying condoms. If someone were to see that, they'd immediately assume it's for us."

I ponder about that.

"The best thing would be for us to both walk in, both buy condoms while joking like straight friends would. Not sure how that is, though."

I laugh. "I guess we joke the same like gay boys do?"

"Then it's settled? People will just think we're going to have a party with lots of girls or something. Besides, I have a feeling it's not going to be a problem to have two boxes of condoms?"

"I sure hope not!" I put all my clothes back on. We walk towards the city together, which is not very far. All this time we're chitchatting. It's nice to know we can have conversations about different topics than sexuality. I'm sincerely happy about the friendship we're developing, I never knew Milan would be such a nice guy. Who could've thought he'd become such a good mate of mine when I lend him my dictionary? And that I'd fuck him a few weeks later, of course!

We decide to make spaghetti bolognese. We gather the ingredients, pay for them and continue our walk towards the drugstore. As planned, we enter the shop together. Milan walks straight to the condoms. I follow him, a little confused. I've never been in a drugstore, let alone to buy condoms. Yet this fifteen years old boy knows exactly where to go to. He grabs two packages and hands one to me. He smiles as he notices my embarrassment.

The cashier smiles when she sees what we're about to buy. "You guys are going to have fun tonight?" she asks.

Milan grins. "Yeah, we're having a party tonight. Dan and I are planning on hooking up with the hottest chicks."

I turn bright red.

"That sounds nice," she says. "Well, not really... if it's only for the hook-up that is. Girls aren't only there for the one-night stands, you know. But... at least you're doing it safe. Here, let me scan that. Paying separately?"

"Yes, of course! I'm not paying for his needs," Milan laughs.

"Do you know you can get half of the purchase cost back from the insurance company?" the girl asks.

"Oh, no. I didn't know that. Thank you."

"No problem."

Milan pays. I'm happy the cashier doesn't try to make small talk with me as well, I'm really too embarrassed to say anything. I pay as well and leave the shop as fast as I can, putting the box of condoms safely away in my inner jacket pocket, away from any prying looks.

The boy is waiting for me, grinning. "Dude, you should've seen your face."

"I know…"

"I tried my best not to make it obvious, but it's like you wanted her to know there wasn't any party!"

"Bro, everyone could hear you." I swallow. "You think she knew?"

He laughs. "Of course. You made it reaaaally obvious."

I glance over my shoulder. The cashier is looking at us with a smile. I feel another blush rising to my cheeks again. "Come, let's go." I sigh. "I can't ever go back to that drugstore." I walk away.

Milan is still looking at the cashier and doesn't notice I'm walking again. It takes a few seconds before he realises. He runs towards me. "You're overreacting."

"No, I'm not."

"You're so kissable right now," he snickers.

"Shut up."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It's just really cute you care so much."

I quickly look around. "Milan," I sneer at him. "Don't call me cute out here. I mean it!"

He raises an eyebrow. "So I can call you cute once we're inside?"

I sigh. "Whatever."

He laughs.

Needless to say, our walk back is filled with much less laughter and chatting. I suddenly feel like I'm being watched. As if everyone around me knows what we've been doing. It embarrasses me to think they know everything. It makes me nauseous. Dizzy. My breathing becomes heavier and more frequent.

"Are you okay?" Milan asks.

"I… I want to sit down."

"Of course. Here, give me the bag of groceries. There is a bench over there. Follow me."

We walk towards the bench and I sit down. I close my eyes.

"What's wrong?"

"Meh, nothing really. I just…" I hesitate. "Never mind. It's okay."

"Okay enough to walk home? Or do you want to stay here a little while."

I smile. It's nice to know someone cares for me. It's weird at the same time, of course. I know he likes me in a way I can never like him back. It may seem selfish, but I think, in the end, it's a good feeling. He likes me for who I am. It's the highest level of acceptance. Or something like that. I'm no philosopher, of course.

"Hey smiley, I asked you something."

I look up. "Oh, it's okay. We can continue."

He extends his hand to me and pulls me up. "What were you smiling about, by the way?" he asks when we're on our way again.

"I thought it was sweet how sincere you acted when I started feeling dizzy," I admit.

He smiles. "Of course I did. I thought you would collapse or something."

I open the front door. "Well, thank you for caring."

Milan puts the bag of groceries on the floor and closes the door behind him. He then leans towards me and kisses me softly. "You're welcome..." He pauses for a few seconds. "Cutie."

I sigh. I feel flattered, but I hide it. The boy picks up the groceries and walks towards the fridge as if he feels at home. After he put everything in the fridge, we sit down on the couch.

"What about we're gonna watch a movie?" I ask.

"Great plan!" Milan snuggles up real close to me and puts his arm around my neck. He kisses me on the cheek while I start the Netflix app.

"I also have a good movie on my phone. Could cast it to your tv?" Milan asks

"What movie?"

"Call me by your name."

"Never heard of it."

Milan smiles. "It's a beautiful movie about an arts professor who goes to Italy with his family every summer. And every year a PHD student joins them. So it's about the family adapting to living with a stranger, while being on holiday themselves. It's about a holiday love and about music. It's really just the overall sentiment. It makes you wish you were there."

"Sounds nice."

"Yes. And the protagonist is cute as fuck." He laughs.

I sigh. "I could've known that was the real reason you like it."

"But since I can call you cute now, cutie, I don't need that movie anymore. I've got my own Timothée. Anyway, what's your wifi key?"

"BoneAppleTea. Every word starts upper case."

He grins. "Okay?"

"It's like the French bon appetit, but then in English."

"Oh, wow…" He rolls with his eyes.

"Hey, I didn't come up with that. My dad did."

"Of course." Milan starts the movie and soon we're lying against each other, watching the weird movie unfold. It was indeed about a holiday love, but Milan forgot to mention it was about gay love. By the time I realised that, I was too far into the movie to stop it. And of course, the movie wasn't solely for gay people, so there is nothing wrong with watching the movie. And liking it. And maybe even getting turned on a little bit by some of the hot scenes.